#kawi is adorable

[pharawee]

"Do you like me? You've been shadowing me. You refuse to leave. Our conversation isn't going anywhere. What should I think?"

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

A First Time

[thebroccolination]

When I say Krist’s natural state is cuddly,

this is the slideshow going through my mind.

[monsamborabutterfly]

I think be my favorite is a bit of an underrated gem. The chemistry between Gawin and Krist is adorable. The ending is so sweet. The whole story is very well paced imo ( which is rare) and the way the show handles topics like coming to terms with who you are, learning and growing, how to treat your fellow humans and queerness overall really well. And the way Kawi and Pisaeng grow into their relationship felt pretty realistic. It's just such a cute, queer feel good show🥺

[bellarkeandclintashaandsuch]

Be My Favorite Ep. 9 - Thoughts Part 1

It took me two hours to watch this episode because I kept pausing to squeal and to take screenshots 😬

Poor Pear. Not only did her mom abandon here, but she also had the gall to thank Pear for enduring that abandonment, so she could achieve her great art. I do keep forgetting that Kawi's mom is alive and left Kawi behind too. Our main three do not have an abundance of parents. Kawi got a good dad, absentee mom. Pear got a (jury's out) dad, absentee mom. Pisaeng pretty much has an absentee mom, and when she is there, she's pushing him back in the closet. I don't think we know about his dad? I feel like Pisaeng became a DJ just to fill the void of always being home alone.

Pisaeng is so funny and cute and Kawi agrees.

This stare down was hilarious. Kawi knows that you'd wait 12 years for him, Pisaeng. So he knows you'll wait one more night 😂

Kawi looked so nervous when that birthday lady asked him to drink. Fluke shouldn't have pressured him, even not knowing his alcoholic past/present/future. But Pisaeng was there to save the day ❤️

This was such a tough episode for Pear. Having to deal with her mother, and then Kawi not picking up when she wanted to talk to him after all that. (I do think she was too harsh on her dad. He couldn't keep her mother there against her will. But she's hurting, and she shouldn't feel pressured by her dad to forgive her mother.) I really hope that Pear can stay close with Pisaeng and Kawi after everything. Pear and Kawi might not be destined for romantic love, but their relationship really took off quickly. Not as quickly as Pisaeng and Kawi hit it off after Kawi's not-a-dream-fueled freedom. But pretty close.

Drunk Pisaeng was pretty adorable. And I loved that you could see that Kawi also found drunk Pisaeng adorable. Which was really nice after his discomfort after the original drunk Pisaeng kiss. But Kawi was very proud of himself for blocking this kiss ^_^

And Kawi watching Pisaeng sleep (but Pisaeng knowing) was adorable. Can't believe he's just now realizing he is indeed whipped for Pisaeng. Pisaeng is so playful!

And Pisaeng wore Kawi's clothes this time! And got to see his turtle DJ's prime spot on Kawi's desk :)

I have too many screenshots. So I had to split this in two. But here are some hands to hold onto.

[cryingatships]

Waiting for next Friday be like

[dropthedemiurge]

I'm laughing so much

Kawi just drank some alcohol and decided to speedrun his own little gay journey

Basically skipped right to "kiss around and find out" xD

Poor Pisaeng tho, his love for hot-and-cold trash racoons like Kawi will make him and all of us go crazy

[ppeonppeonhan]

Top 10 2023 BL Kisses

If you've seen at least a couple BLs you know that some of these actors are either uncomfortable kissing another man or just didn't get enough practice kissing literally anyone. So when they get it right and genuinely seem to be enjoying themselves, it is worth noting. Soooo grab a pen and paper, and take some notes:

You Are Mine: This Taiwanese drama was problematique with the unbalanced workplace power dynamics, but this sweet upside down kiss was worth the wait.

Dangerous Romance: This may not have been their first kiss, but it felt like the most romantic. By this point, they'd shared many scenes filled with awkward sexual tension, but this one didn't have an ounce of humor, and Kanghan and Sailom just melted into each other's arms.

Kiseki: Dear to Me: The lighting for this kiss really emphasized their till-death-do-us-part themed dialogue where they vowed to die seconds apart.

Stay By My Side: Lackluster supernatural subplot aside, this Taiwanese drama delivered the most adorable kiss as the main lead was too nervous to give in to his desires without closing his eyes.

Be My Favorite: It took Kawi a frustratingly long time to pull his head out of his ass and realize he would be lucky to have Pisaeng even as a friend let alone a boyfriend. Thank goodness for Pisaeng's patience, cause ours was wearing thin.

Love Class 2: Very happy Ma Ru realized he had feelings for his bestie and wasted no time making that clear with an epic kiss that I have probably rewatched a dozen times.

Only Friends: Honestly, all of their kisses were incredible, because both of these actors went from supporting characters to lead roles, and did not skip a beat. There was no awkward beginner's kiss phase. Those intimacy workshops must've been lit.

Step by Step: Their kiss chemistry was on point, but the car scenes were the most memorable for how very possible they would've been caught in the act in the parking garage of their place of employment. Caution meet wind.

Wedding Plan: These two were about five seconds away from making a baby in that car, and if this were the omegaverse, they probably would've.

Hidden Agenda: There was hunger in that kiss on both sides, and it took every ounce of strength in Zo to shove Joke out the door once he made his intention clear.

[doublel27]

I’ve been thinking about Moo’s very publicly r video essay ever since @petrichoraline and I were talking about Moo’s very public declaration of his relationship here and the irony is if no one had said anything to Moo there’s a chance he wouldn’t have done anything.

In episode 8, Neth and Kang had already convinced him he might need to be quiet about their relationship. Kang and Moo agreed that “as long as we know” it doesn’t matter what other people do or don’t know.

And I think it was even worse for Moo because the dance video wasn’t a declaration of anything. That’s what he states before making the Kang fan edit. The video he was asked to delete was simply just boys dancing. And as an idol, he’s gonna be dancing on stage with a lot of boys. He’s probably already posted clips with Tae and Yos as well.

And sure it’s different because Kang isn’t also out here trying to be a dancer and he is Moo’s boyfriend. But a lot of what he was being asked to tone down were things that were what Moo considers normal. And I think that’s what made him so angry when everyone asked him to take the video down. Shone and Moo’s mom didn’t know they were boyfriends from that clip. To Moo’s point that wasn’t an announcement.

And as @luthienmpl points out here it’s not like Moo didn’t very publicly court Kang at school where everyone knows he’s written Kang a song and sang it over the intercom and gave away food for people who congratulated them on being boyfriends. There’s information out there.

Moo got mad at the idea he would have to lie. And everyone was insisting they weren’t asking him to lie, but to not share. To Moo, who if the thought is in his head it’s out of his mouth, omitting facts, deleting posts because of how someone might interpret it even if it’s not explicit what the video is of, to cut parts of himself off, well that’s a lie. After being pushed too far by the repeated requests by others to be less, he snapped with the very loud video of l not only do I have a boyfriend but let me tell you all about him and why he’s perfect.

With the preview showing that the contract is going to say expressly no relationships and Moo’s determination to not lie and Kang being the bluest boy (who tend to be martyrs….I am very curious where Only Boo is going with this story. As I am curious where Thame Po will take this story as they’re doing a similar line.

Another show with a similar storyline from GMM, Be My Favorite just dropped in 2023 and I adored it, but they took a particular stance on this conundrum. You should watch it, but spoilers…in one of the futures Kawi makes for himself, he ends up an idol and is at first delighted to find himself living what he thought was an impossible dream. But it’s quickly clear that he is miserable, drinking. He had gotten his dream girl Pear, but she left him because he wouldn’t marry her and start a family. As an idol, he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give her the time, attention, and public commitment she was looking for. We also find out that Piesang disappeared around the same time. It’s heavily implied after Kawi chases Piesang and kisses him drunkenly, that Kawi probably did something similar after Pear left as Piesang says “You cannot keep doing this.” (They’d had a similar moment in episode six but this made it feel like we had a bigger pattern and explained his absence)

In the final future, Kawi is happily a songwriter, making songs for other people to sing. It’s the future Kawi chose knowing where the idol path sent him. Piesang even questions him on it. He asks Kawi if he gave up on those dreams because of Piesang and Piesang offers to hide if that’s what it takes. Kawi, thanks to the power of time travel, tells Piesang he’s absolutely certain he couldn’t be happier if he traveled that path. Only misery lies that way. Kawi’s whole lesson though is about making choices in the moment that spark joy rather than letting fear or jealousy lead your choices and living a life that makes you truly happy.

Only Boo, of course, is a very different show with a very different lead. Moo is 1000 times more confident and certain than Kawi ever could hope to be. He knows what he wants and while everyone sees them as two disparate pictures, Moo sees them fully integrated. He’s also a much younger character, just out of high school and has yet to face the reality of what it means to be an idol beyond getting to do the things he loves most and feels confident about.

Thame-Po will take us somewhere entirely different with an idol at the peak of their game who signed their right to a personal life away at a much younger age.

So when confronted with a contract that explicitly says you cannot date and Moo, who has no interest in lies of omission or hiding his boyfriend, and is in fact highly reactionary to people insisting he delete rather innocuous posts incase someone wants to speculate…I am very interested in the choices that will get written in here.

It is especially interesting considering the the litany of drama that has come out of highly entitled fan reactions to social media posts and in some cases leaked videos of Thai artists in their own home. Sure, everyone is trying to “protect” Moo in theory, but entitled fans will be entitled whether you hide your personal life entirely or not. These types of fans seem to exist across fandoms of many types and with a level of wild inappropriateness regardless of how open or closed a celebrity is to others. If they post too much with someone that’s a sign. If they avoid posting with someone that’s a sign. Like…there’s no winning.

And to that point, what is the takeaway going to be for Moo as he is faced with a moral dilemma and the two things he wants most in conflict? And what is the messaging going to be from Only Boo/GMM about young idols and talent (as the two leads of this show are) and their rights to their own lives? And are we gonna talk about the extra layer of homophobia of it all or because the fact that even straight relationships seem to be a PR nightmare for some talent, that GMM/Only Boo is content to leave it ambiguous for now?

[magicwhodreamer]

I just want to point out the way kawi is looking at pisaeng while pisaeng is not looking

his eyes are literally saying "what did I do to deserve such an amazing person next to me" and this thought brings a smile on kawi's face

this smile is so pure and genuine, his eyes are so pure and genuine (and may I add that this actor is phenomenal in communicating so many different emotions with only his eyes? I'll add it cause it's a fact)

the way pisaeng takes care of him expecting nothing in return is what leads them to this moments. kawi just feels the need to cuddle and caress him because he finds him so adorable and he can't believe that someone that he considers so perfect and so loved by everyone would actually choose to love HIM

basically this is the reason behind kawi's kiss. it's a thank you, it's an "I care about you even tho I suck at showing it" it's an "I'll give you this kiss because you deserve it and I really wanna give you one" it's just a drunken kiss, it's nothing but it's everything at the same time. amazingly shot and amazingly acted

[danielsarmand]

there’s just so much... warmth. and thankfulness. in me right now. i’ve said this before, but i truly wasn’t expecting much of anything from bmf and the fact that it keeps outdoing itself with each passing episode is really... i don’t know, i’m genuinely happy about it. i’m happy because i am queer, and while i am proud of being queer there’s presently very few dramas that are.

be my favorite is a queer show, about queer people, for queer people and on top of all this it is also very clearly proud of being queer.

it is just so heartwarming to see. to witness how much thought went into it, how many themes and issues they were able to touch on and how delicately they did so. to feel the hope for a better, brighter future grow within you because maybe there are people who care, maybe it is all worth it, and anyway fighting for ourselves will never be wrong or wasteful.

i loved everything about this episode, from the obvious jab at heteronormativity that was pisaeng and his mother’s conversation to max’s speech to kawi’s realizations to pisaeng’s deserved lovestruck giddiness. i loved how they touched on straight people being considered the norm, and how they implied that at the end of the day queer people only want the right to get married and have children like heterosexuals–which is not the case, and morever is not the point; what we actually want is not to be considered a quirk, not to be treated as a glitch in the matrix. we are the norm, too, and we should have the right to exist, and be seen, and be heard, and be considered human, no matter where and what. i loved how well the actors conveyed all of this, through speech and especially through expressions–i.e. gawin’s face as soon as pisaeng’s mother said “normal people”. i adore the blatant and crystal fucking clear love and care the entire cast and crew put into this show.

watching be my favorite makes me feel safe. i am glad i gave it a chance, because it gave me a chance.

[djeterg19]

Awwwwww adorable group hug! Kawi was so alone at the beginning of the show and now he has made himself a family who loves and cares for him🥹🥹🥹

[respectthepetty]

If you need me, I'll be in this exact moment for the next six days.

Pisaeng isn't even saying anything here; he is just indignantly buttoning the pajamas on Kawi, yet Kawi finds his behavior oddly cute.

Kawi was studying Pisaeng's face and because he is drunk, he had a raw reaction to Pisaeng's face and realized it was annoyingly adorable. He has admitted several times that he believes Pisaeng to be very attractive, but now he notices all the softness in Pisaeng as well. Now, he realizes Pisaeng isn't just attractive, but attractive to him.

So he decided to touch Pisaeng's face. Play with Pisaeng's hair. Ask Pisaeng why a rich kind guy like him who could have anyone would like a poor mean loser like him (<- Kawi was asking the important questions).

And when Pisaeng, the guy Kawi has been endlessly staring at without interruption for the past few minutes and the guy who he has always thought to be unreasonably attractive but now is realizing is also annoyingly cute to him, when that guy tells Kawi he thinks that Kawi is cute, it had to be a sobering moment.

This rich, kind, and attractive guy thinks he is cute.

Kawi is really a walking epitome of a One Direction song. The guy does not realize how beautiful he is. He only sees himself as a poor mean loser, so having this handsome guy, who he considers the perfect man, tell him he thinks Kawi is cute so confidently without any hesitation, it . . .

I wanted Pisaeng to offer more than a simple "you're cute which is enough" reason for liking Kawi, but now that I've been living in this scene for 24 hours, it is more. This cute guy thinks that Kawi is cute, and that's all Kawi really needs. He needs to know that Pisaeng sees them as the same. If a cute kind guy sees mean Kawi as cute, then Kawi could be a kind guy too. He could also be just as good as Pisaeng because Pisaeng already thinks he is.

And that's enough.

Others obviously see Kawi better than he views himself, but having Pisaeng openly tell Kawi was exactly what Kawi needed.

Kawi needed to hear he is enough for the guy who has everything, so he could be everything that guy thinks he already is.

Kawi IS cute.

The cutest guy told him that.

And the cutest guy hasn't ever lied to him.

[thebroccolination]

KAWI'S WHOLE DEAL WITH PISAENG'S MONEY IN BE MY FAVORITE

Y'all are gonna get my raving thoughts about this series for the rest of time but especially while I'm trying to finish this video essay by the anniversary of the finale next month.

SO.

KAWI'S WHOLE DEAL WITH PISAENG'S MONEY.

I fucking love how they handle the money thing in this series because HOO boy is it fun to ponder and like any nuanced piece of art, Be My Favorite doesn't hold your hand and guide you to cemented conclusions. The audience gets to extrapolate and discuss and draw their own conclusions.

So what we know about Kawi's upbringing is that he grew up with a single parent who struggled with his health and finances. Poverty followed Kawi through university into his adult life until he went back in time and befriended Pisaeng, Sentient Green Flag and Professional Open Wallet.

In the beginning, Kawi has zero qualms taking Pisaeng's money. In fact, he shamelessly asks for it.

To Kawi, money is happiness. Not having money has made his entire life difficult and empty and cold, and he's confident that having money will make him happier. So if Pisaeng has so much of it, why not ask? Pisaeng's just some rich jerk anyway, right?

Then Pisaeng evades a conversation about their drunken kiss, and Kawi hops ahead to a future where he's financially successful and he's still not happy. And worse, he's taken everything else Pisaeng had to give him to the ruin of them both.

So Kawi decides to go back and commit to a timeline without alcohol and without fame. To live life as his imperfect, awkward, flawed, and frustrating self, sober and scared and feeling so deeply unworthy of someone like Pisaeng who probably reminds him of his self-sacrificing dad who only ever cared about seeing his son happy.

Now, Kawi recoils from the money Pisaeng freely offers because he knows for sure that he has the potential to exploit Pisaeng to self-isolation and exile.

It says a lot about the trust they build as a couple that after their graduation, Kawi is willing to live with Pisaeng in a place neither of them pays for given to them by Pisaeng's mother. He makes a wry jab about Pisaeng being a spoiled rich kid, but by this point, Kawi has lived in poverty and in luxury, and he finds his balance somewhere in the middle.

By the end of the series, Kawi works as a lyricist in the comfort of a home he doesn't have to pay for. That it was a gift from essentially his mother-in-law means that he doesn't have to feel indebted to Pisaeng. They work separate jobs making separate salaries, and Pisaeng probably makes a more stable and higher income judging by the clothes he's wearing in episode eleven and the notoriously unreliable nature of creative work in general, but the fact that they don't seem to fight over money anywhere in the future we see tells me that Kawi insisting on a balance early on became a constant throughout their relationship.

Kawi's growth as a character is clearest when we're shown how at peace he is with the simplicity of his life. He may be living with his rich boyfriend, but his life's pleasures are things like having his own money to spend, a job he enjoys, friends who love him, and a partner he adores.

As my friend Laura said earlier, "Money can't buy happiness but the freedom to pursue it."

And like, holy fuck is that a good message to get from media. Not the dismissal of money and the problems it can solve, but the acknowledgement that even when you have it, your choices are what dictate what kind of life you'll lead.

I fucking love this series, bro.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Rose Recaps 2023 - Thailand

Ok. Let me just get this out of the way. If there were awards for "started of great but forgot what it was about by the end" Thailand would win them all. No other country can touch them. So when I was going through my list of watched Thai Bls there weren't all that many to choose as favourites. but I'll try to be kind.

The one about family

Moonlight Chicken

First and foremost this show is stunning. This really cannot be overstated. I really enjoyed all the different relationships represented here and that the idea of family is what you want it to be. I love all of them, and Wen did absolutely nothing wrong.

Favourite Moment This conversation left me in tears.

The one hated by so many but not me

Dangerous Romance

This was me whenever there was a new episode.

I'm not gonna say people were wrong. Everybody has the right to their own opinions. But I never expected anything else.

This show gave me exactly what I expected of it. They made a romantic version of the trailer for christ sake. The ost video that came out the day before the premiere was a love fest with the softest song sang by Chimon. I agree that the first 2 episodes were different and for some, misleading about the direction of the show.

Not for me though. I got what I wanted. Chimon and Perth on my screen being boyfriends with some drama sprinkled in for good measure. And with the amazing bonus that was Marc and Pawin together again and the character of Auto that I just adored. I actually enjoyed all the characters in this one.

Favourite Moment

The one that is beautiful

I Feel You Linger In The Air

The amount of screenshots I took while watching this would fill a hard drive. It's just gorgeous. The way they played with the spaces was just such a treat.

This show was almost perfect. I had a couple of issues with it midway through and I felt that they dragged the goodbye a tiny bit much but overall I really liked it. These two are very special but overall there were a lot of characters to root for and enough of them to hate, which I appreciate.

But also WHERE IS THE SPECIAL??? I need to watch it!

Favourite Moment

The one that was I was ready to hate and then didn't

Be My Favourite

Confession time. I didn't like Krist. Watching SOTUS was something I endured but didn't enjoy for the most part. I know I'm not alone in this. But also. I didn't like Fluke. In anything. He was the only thing I didn't like in Not Me, and I skipped most scenes of his couple during Dark Blue Kiss. No particular reason tho. I just didn't enjoy watching him. So the bar was set pretty low on this one for me.

And then what happened? I loved Kawi. Like immediately. And surprise surprise, I liked Fluke. Immediately. It's like I was on an alternate universe and I couldn't believe my eyes.

With that said, it was not even close to a perfect show. It started off really strong, I enjoy the way the relationship grew, I loved that the characters were being honest with each other and being mostly kind to one another. Some moments felt really grounded. And then it kinda fell apart for me. But this is a positive post so I'm not going there.

Favourite Moment: The whole montage.

The one with the redemption of Mame

Wedding Plan

I already explained what I went through with this show here prompted by this episode of @the-conversation-pod. You should all go listen to this and all the other episodes because both @bengiyo and @shortpplfedup are brilliant and funny in convenient audio format.

Anyway, in the end I loved this show so much and took me a minute to come to terms that it was actually that good. The characters are actually multidimensional and the woman have depth. Groundbreaking stuff.

Favourite Moment

The one with all the cuteness

My School President

Not gonna lie, not a huge fan of singing in my bl. But this was great. From the beginning the fact that it made constantly remember my beloved Love Sick was an unexpected and delightfull bonus. I was living for Tinn's expressions, Tiw just being delightfully loyal and the epitome of sharing one brain cell group of friends. Not to forget the parental relationships that were some of the best of the year. I even liked the singing.

Favourite Moment

The extra one

Our Skyy 2 - A Tale of a Thousand Stars

This happened. It was perfect. That's it.

I watched more than 40 thai shows that came out this year, I'm not counting the ones that are still on, and these were my favourites. Mostly because some of them were the ones that I had the least to complain about.

That's it for my recaps. I still wanna gif some stuff today and it's late so I can't review this post again so if there are mistakes, don't tell me. It'll haunt me.

Have a good night💜

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Be My Favourite ep 9

This was another fantastic ep, and the only thing preventing me from saying it topped last week’s again is that there was NO MAX! 😮

BUT there was so much more character development.

First, Pearmai, because I wrote last week that I was curious about her backstory, especially her relationship with her mother. And we got to know this week already.

We got confirmation that Pear holds things in, hides them, and masks her true thoughts and feelings. She’s carried the hurt of her mother’s abandonment for so long, whilst her mother doesn’t see the harm she’s done and her father expects her to be ok with it all.

And now I understand why Pear desires marriage and a ‘future’ with someone so much – she wants to build the life for her own children that she never got herself. She wants to have the relationship her parents didn’t have, and wants to have the mother/daughter relationship she never got. (This is something I identify with so if the show doesn’t explicitly tell us this, I can’t help but to read it this way because it’s all too familiar for me).

I loved the way that her mother’s obliviousness to the way Pear feels is reflected in their clothes and art – with them both in black and white, opposites devoid of colour and life, whilst her artwork is FULL of colour, so much so that’s it’s pushing out from the canvas. It’s no surprise Pear feels the way she does in the face of her mother’s freedom and creativity and life – a life chosen at the expense of being a mother to her own daughter. Maybe Pear needs to either find reconciliation with her or to close the door to her in order to have happiness in the future?

I thought Pear’s reaction to Kawi, after learning from Not and then Pisaeng that he and Pisaeng were together, was a little disproportionate – she and Kawi weren’t dating, they were just friends. She may have been developing affection for him (or latching onto the next guy who showed her affection) and thought that he liked her and that they were on their way to dating, BUT they still weren’t together for this to be like Kawi went behind her back or cheated on her.

My interpretation is that this reaction could be a front to her real (maybe subconscious) feelings – disappointment that her future prospects at having the family she wants has disappeared again. I think that unless she can learn and grow from this and her relationship with her mother, she will just latch on to the next person who shows interest in her. I admit, I was afraid that she would do this with Not – we had seen in ep 7 that she eventually did do this in another timeline – but I’m so glad she walked away from him, deciding that if her future isn’t Pisaeng, or Kawi, it definitely wouldn’t be Not. Not in this timeline. And I think this does indicate that something has changed for Pear now. Maybe wanting to talk to Pisaeng about him and Kawi and therefore confiding in him about her mother as well has helped her shift her motivations behind her choices.

Some other smaller thoughts before I get onto Kawi:

At first, I was worried the show was transferring the drinking problem to Pisaeng…but I don’t think it is, because it seems that this occasion was him trying to protect Kawi. I don’t really like all this peer pressure to drink alcohol…but I’m also aware that it could be a cultural politeness thing, but it needs doing away with.

I ADORED the “Kawi, Kawi, Kawi” moment – has anyone gif'd the parallel to “Lao Wen, Lao Wen, Lao Wen” yet?! Paging @forcebook

Also, Pisaeng has a brown phone case?! Kawi’s colour! How have I not noticed this before?! @respectthepetty did you already know? If not, PSA: more colour-coded phone cases!

I’m not sure I like Kawi holding back or pushing Pisaeng’s affections away. He declared he liked Pisaeng and couldn’t bear to be wthout him but it feels like he’s not showing enough affection to reflect that. (It’s bordering on the blushing maiden trope which I detest). Maybe this is Krist’s own discomfort…? Or just that he’s been directed like that (because the directing so far has been brilliant), which is disappointing because I’d hoped the story wouldn’t do this to these characters. It’s good, at least, that Kawi tells us that he’s simping over Pisaeng and how attractive he is but I wish they would show us in Kawi’s body language and reactions to Pisaeng’s advances. Smh.

Right on to Kawi. And what a lot to unpack.

Speaking of the morning in bed scene and Kawi questioning if him and Pisaeng being together is “the right thing” – I’m glad it’s not about them being a gay couple (which the show emphasises a few times during the ep) but it’s not really any better that it’s in relation to theirs and everyone else’s future.

Kawi is still thinking about ‘fixing’ one moment in time, and for multiple people, rather than living in the moment and listening to his present desires (emphasis on both ‘his present desires’ and ‘his present desires’). At the end he worries about how many mistakes he will make in life (mistakes that affect others negatively) but he still needs to learn that he has no control over how other people are affected by his choices for himself. And that he can’t let that dictate the choices he does make, he has to let other people live their lives and he has to live his own. (@dimplesandfierceeyes wrote a great post related to this).

And as much as I’m shook about Kwan liking Not (as we all are), their situation perfectly highlights why Kawi needs to focus on himself and not others. Because as much as Kwan and Pearmai (and Not to some extent but we don’t care about him, right?) are hurting and unhappy now it’s SO GOOD that all of this has happened for these characters.

First we have Kwan. As much as this is hurting Kwan, she is being set free now instead of in 12 years' time. She is being saved from 12 years of hurt and pain and unrequited love. (Oh Kwan, beautiful Kwan. You’ll meet someone better. I PROMISE!) (Check out this fantastic reblog thread about Kwan by @lurkingshan, @jjsanguine and @twig-tea)

Then Pearmai. She’s hurting from her parents’ situation, and from the revelation about Kawi and Pisaeng, but she chooses to not just turn to Not. She turns him down and sets herself on a completely different path. She now has the time and opportunity to find love in another place (hopefully a happier one) and still get the family she wants.

(And Not, if I have to… This is good for Not too, because he gets to declare now [to himself as well as Kwan] that he likes Pearmai more than Kwan [and maybe other people he’s sleeping with], he’s being honest with himself and others [is that a bit of growth I see there? *she squints*]. And it’s fucking fantastic that Pearmai turns him down [not only because she deserves better] but because he can move on and maybe use this experience to change [the jury’s out on that for a while. As an aside, this ep made me retract slightly the thinking there might be a possibility that Not is also gay/bi and will also have his own realisation arc…but the show’s not over yet!]). Anyway, THIS IS GOOD. This is good for all of them.

Kawi thinks they’re all unhappy and it’s because of him, but he’s not able to see the full picture. There’s so much nuance in what they do want and what will make them happy that he can’t even begin to know or understand how his actions play a part in that. And the reality of it is, there are so many positives resulting from his actions as well. We already saw this in ep 8, where Max tells him he’s made a huge difference in his life. I love that Pisaeng gives Kawi hope and optimism for the future but I don’t think hope is enough, Kawi also needs to trust that the results of his actions are not always bad – it might take time but there are positives.

Last thing (because I know this is long!), I want to talk about this: “I will feel more comfortable if we are more equal”. I understand Kawi’s motivations here, he doesn’t want their relationship to be influenced too much by differences that could negatively affect them and their regard for each other – and financial disparity can be a sticking point for a lot of people - but accepting and leaning into the ways they aren’t equal is also healthy for a relationship. Each side can’t always bring the exact same things into a relationship. Balance can be found in other ways. I'm interested to know if this ‘theme’ comes back or gets built on in future eps.

And speaking of…it looks like next week’s will be fluffy and domestic where they settle into their couple dynamic. I can’t wait!

(also tagging @grapejuicegay @waitmyturtles @rocketturtle4 @ginnymoonbeam @chickenstrangers @wen-kexing-apologist @bengiyo @plantsarepeopletoo and @williamrikers in case you're interested! And sorry if I missed anyone.)